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I've never seen a man so broken up
ripped apart
They say my name is death
I've never seen a man so broken up
ripped apart
But I'm alive, I am alive
I've never seen a man so broken up
ripped apart
I am born ten thousand times
I've never seen a man so broken up
ripped apart
Ten thousand ways, I'm alive I am the shadow
I am the evening come
I am your greatest fear
Your greatest love

Born in ten thousand ways
for each and every day
I am alive

I am the victim of lying morality
and so, I am beyond caring
I am born ten thousand times
in ten thousand ways
My head swims in spoilt mothers milk
I am too alive
There are too many of me,
too many to kill
They're in my head
They know my name
My name is death but I am alive,
I am alive

DRIFTING
(Wilder / Lynch)
With your wild, call the pace
Taste the tracks of the waste
With your wild, with your sweet
With your cold black-eyed teeth
I close my eyes and I pray, yes I pray

Let it slide, let it slide
Ignore me and everything I've done
For I am stupid, I am poison
I take this one
and I taste the tracks
I taste the tracks
of the waste in my head
and you face me instead

I must be drifting somewhere

I held in my hand but it's hard, so hard to see reason
The burning is here, is only here to follow through

But here it is harder than a screaming fist and I hate it
It's dark behind your smile and I can follow through

Let it slide, let it slide
Ignore me and everything I've done
For words, like bullets they know when to come
And taste the tracks, and taste the tracks
Of the waste in my head and you face me instead
Well ignore me and everything I said
For I am stupid, I am poison.

I held in my hand but it's hard, so hard to see reason
It's dark behind your smile and I can follow through
I close my eyes and I pray, yes I pray
With your wild, call the pace
Taste the track of the waste
With your wild, with your sweet
With your cold black-eyed teeth

LUSCIOUS APPARATUS
(Wilder / Estep)
Carla was on her break from the
graveyard shift at the mayonnaise factory
She sat at a teetering picnic table,
there was a toxic orange moon
and it was slightly cold
Carla took out her knife and began etching
random words into the table's surface
Then, she thought of her co-worker Jack
Carla liked to think of Jack
as a luscious apparatus
He was meaty but graceful
His flesh seemed folded onto his body
like a suit made of meat
Carla started to think of Jack as a
luscious apparatus in a meat suit
Thinking this gave Carla a dreamy smile
Her mouth was small to begin with
but dreaming made it even smaller
That's just how some people are,
their mouths get smaller with dreams Carla's small mouth was dreaming
as her knife began carving a poem into the table
I like hot voids, smooth pants, lazy beds in the rain
I like tongue petals, lather, a blistering sun
but what I like best is the worship
of a luscious apparatus

When Carla was done carving
she went back to her work station
and scooped shiny white goop into jars
That's just how some people are,
their mouths get smaller with dreaming

The next day Jack took his own 1am lunch break
at the same picnic table
He noticed the poem carved into the wood
Although he didn't know who had written it,
he coincidentally thought
'Luscious Apparatus' aptly described him
So he took out his own knife and wrote
'luscious apparatus was here'

After a few days both Jack and Carla
happened to sit at the picnic table
at the same time
They both started to look
at the things carved in the table
Then they looked at each other
They knew who each other was
Carla's mouth got small and dreamy,
Jack's eyes got round and hot
When they got done
with the graveyard shift
They went back to Jack's apartment
and had sex
Wordless sex, slow sex,
fast sex, talking sex
Sex like animals have,
sex like boys have, sex like girls have
Sex upside down, sex inside out
Sex with grins, sex with tears
Sex, sex, sex Then she noticed the knife by the side of Jack's bed
Jack picked the knife up And Carla knew at once
that Jack's wounds were from carving himself
Jack was trying to carve poems into himself
and now he wanted to carve some in her
This was where she drew the line
She'd have any kind of sex but not with a knife
When Carla refused to let Jack carve her up,
Jack felt cheated and misled
He felt that by carving a poem in the table
Carla had been begging to be carved upon
Carla didn't see it that way at all
She got up and started putting on her clothes
Jack went nuts, he was coming at her with a knife
Carla was scared, Carla was shaking and sweating
Then, because she was small and could move fast
she ducked and Jack tripped and fell
and impaled himself in the arm with his own knife
He howled and howled and Carla got the hell out of there fast

Carla didn't think of Jack as a luscious apparatus after that

STALKER
(Wilder / McCarthy)

I can make a perfect picture from a voice
Her serenity oozed into my ear
It didn't take long for her to know me
and I knew it felt good
Pick me up and use me
Pick me up and use me she was saying

You are nothing
You are nothing without me
You are nothing
You are nothing without me
If I am taken,
you think that you can live again
But you are nothing
You are nothing without me
You know I'm here for you,
right here for you
See I am the punished one
She, she took all the glory
She took everything,
everything I had to give
Sucking it out of me
But I am always gonna be here
because I am the punished one
She took everything,
She took all the glory,
everything I had to give
Sucking it out of me

You are nothing
You are nothing without me
You are nothing
You are nothing without me
If I am taken,
you think that you can live again
But you are nothing
You are nothing without me
Without me, you're nothing

RED RIVER CARGO
(Wilder / Dorsey)

Lead me on through the night
Take my hand, precious Lord
And lead me home

Take my hand, precious Lord
Lead me on through the night
Take my hand, precious Lord
And lead me home

CONTROL FREAK
(Wilder / Estep)
A girl who can't shake off the smell
of a man she met but didn't know well
She thinks she feels him in her skin
She thinks she sees his sideways grin
She sees him on the street by chance
Follows him as if entranced
Gets on a train that he gets on
A girl like this she is possessed

She sits two seats behind his own,
can hear him sigh, a little moan
She wonders what he's thinking of
as he removes his right hand glove
She notices his hand is strange
as if the bones were rearranged
She thinks of what she'll say to him
She hears it playing deep within

You're all I need to get high The man jumps to his feet just then
Slips out the train and round a bend
She almost loses sight of him
Shuts her eyes, thinks of his skin
She catches up just as he goes
into a bar and down below
to where cases of wine are stacked
There is no light, it's nearly black

You're all I need to get high

He turns around to face her then
his right hand seems to claw the air
She doesn't know why she came here
She doesn't know what possessed her
Sweat's running down her spine
But then he breaks into a smile
that lights up his whole face
And then he starts to laugh and laugh and laugh,
And then he says "I've thought about you
since that day we met but barely spoke"

They start to kiss
He rubs his hand inside her tight's inner band
She shivers up against him hard
She reaches inside of him far
But then she stops, she pulls away
She starts to go and he tells her "stay"
But she walks determined up the stairs
She sways a bit, she flaunts her wares She's got him where she wants him now
She knows he'll follow hard
and how anything she says will go
Any yes she'll turn to no
He follows her outside and says
"Hey wait, don't go, stay here"
She turns around and sneers at him
and walks away for days

MISSING PIECE
(Wilder / Lynch)
I wanna write myself
on the walls of your heart
Because the knot that holds us
altogether throws us all apart
I'm gonna stop myself
before I say something true
Because the answers
that roll from my tongue
are nothing to do with you

And I hold a piece up to the light
Hold a piece up to my eye
Found a missing piece from my set
Found a person I'd not met
Hold a piece up to the light
Hold a piece up to my eye
Found a missing piece from my set
Found a person I'd not met

Sometimes is a lonely place So tow me over to the light,
The sound, the sound it is in sight
Found my heart was contained within a cell
Found my heart in this tuck-a-way-me world

I hold a piece up to the light
Hold a piece up to my eye
Found a missing piece from my set
Found a person I'd not met

Sometimes is a lonely place

Sometimes I held the missing piece

LAST BREATH
(Wilder /E. Gold / P. Boone)

There's a song that tells you
about the sounds you hear in the night
The animals crying because they're hungry
and the child crying at night
because he's hungry and lonely

So take my hand
And walk this land with me
And walk this lovely land with me

The weather was absolutely perfect on this
morning, so we could see everything very
clearly. You knew that there had been a terrible
eruption but you couldn't see any machinery, you
just see this collapsing ice. When we got closer,
the pilot said there was something on the radar
that he hadn't seen the day before. Then we saw
for the first time what had happened in the crater.
We saw nothing but black ice, covered with ash
and then water with floating ice blocks and ash
at the bottom. We only got a very brief glimpse
but you really felt you were seeing something
nobody had seen before.

I got really afraid, My heart missed a beat. I felt
this had already happened but I was about to see it again....

Want

Want I want to know how it will end. I want to be sure of what it will cost. I want to strangle the stars for all they promised me. I want you to call me on your drug phone. I want to keep you alive so there is always the possibility of murder later. I want to be there when you learn the cost of desire. I want you to understand that my malevolence is just a way to win. I want the name of the ruiner. I want matches in case I have to suddenly burn. I want you to know that being kind is overrated. I want to write my secret across your sky. I want to watch you lose control. I want to watch you lose. I want to know exactly what it's going to take. I want to see you insert yourself into glory. I want your touches to scar me so I'll know where you've been. I want you to watch when I go down in flames. I want a list of atrocities done in your name. I want to reach my hand into the dark and feel what reaches back.I want to remember when my nightmares were clearer. I want to be there when your hot black rage rips wide open. I want to taste my own kind. I want to be wrapped in cold wet sheets to see if it's different on this side. I want you to come on strong. I want to leave you out in the cold. I want the exact same thing but different. I want some soft drugs...some soft, soft drugs. I want to throw you. I want you to know I know. I want to know if you read me. I want to swing with my eyes shut and see what I hit. I want to know just how much you hate me so I can predict what you'll do. I want you to know the wounds are self-inflicted. I want a controlling interest. I want to be somewhere beautiful when I die. I want to be your secret hater. I want to stop destroying you but I can't. And I want and I want and I want and I will always be hungry. And I want and I want and I want.

Jezebel

Well stop, great God, stop there and listen, listen to the story ‘bout Jezebel. Her sins were so wicked Jehovah got angry, her soul went leapin’ and jumpin’ into Hell. Way back yonder in the olden days, John told Jezebel to borrow her ways, said her evil deeds had ruined the land and repent for the kingdom of God was at hand. She got mad at John ‘cause he told her ‘bout the gospel, told her servants to boil him in oil. Well they tell me God looked from the windows of the heavens, spoke one word and the oil wouldn’t boil. He raised his hand, creation trembled, stamped his feet and time stood still, raised his voice, looked down and thundered "John! Go do my will." You got to go to judgment, stand trial.Then they tell me John moved through the power of the gospel, told Jezebel her time was nigh. On the book of life, her days were ended, her time run out and she had to die. Well they tell me God walked his footsteps thunderin’, he moved his head and his eyes flashed fire, clapped his hands and death come jumpin’, Jehovah was angry, somebody had to die. You got to go to judgment, stand trial. Then Death come knockin’ on Jezebel’s door and said "Come on woman ain’t you ready to go? Of your evil deeds God’s done got tired, you got to go to judgment, stand trial." Then Death come leapin’ she jumped into Hell, great God Almighty I heard them tell. Nine days she lay in Jerusalem’s streets, her flesh was too filthy for the dogs to eat. You got to go to judgment, stand trial. "Jezebel, mind God’s talking, says he’s tired of your evil ways. You got to go to judgment, stand trial."

Breath Control

Who wouldn't want a good girl, a soft hand, a
gentle woman for a gentleman? He said, "It's
been fine so far but after a while I want more
than a soft style. I want some slashes to go
with those long eyelashes." And so the bedroom
became the black room but a year later he wanted
something more, something I wasn't quite prepared
for. He said, "Every woman has an itch and every
nice girl secretly wants to switch.

I like how the skins look on your white hands. I'd
like you to deliver one of my demands." He said,
"Every woman has an itch and every nice girl wants
to switch." He led me in and lit the room with a
hundred candles and said "God never gives you
more than you can handle."

I sat astride his chest, "It's just a thrill," he said,
as he relaxed on the dark, dark bed, "it's just
breath control." He whispered "Hold me here"
and I did and his head fell back. He whispered
"Press harder" and I did and his eyes rolled back.
It's just breath control. Just breath control.

I saw him go pale. I saw him seize up, I felt something
creep up like a taste for this. Like a reward. A kind of
love, a kind of lustmord. It was a minute then three then
five then ten, he wasn't coming up again. I held on for
twelve. I saw him seize and thrash and twist and when
he was still, I lifted away my wrists and looked at my hands
and tried to understand.

"It's just a thrill" I said as he relaxed on the dark, dark bed.
I sat aside his chest, "It's just a thrill," he said, "just a thrill.
It's just breath control."

When it was over, I slipped off the skins and drowned
them in the river where we used to swim and a year
later in a shop, I was stopped by a man. He said, "I
know you're looking for something that's hard to find
and I think I have what you have in mind." And he
led me to a glass case and looked deep into my
face.... "It's just control."

Last Call For Liquid Courage

Sip still, gotta be enough. Wide palms slap skin, let the hitting begin! A done deal. Discarded piles of dignity. Another anonymous evening of Absolut flesh. And tonight, it’s got to be enough. It’s got to be enough. Sip another swig, let the night fill you. Stranger pour into you. Peel back what binds you, make you strong! And it’s ok, mostly. Today is tonight and tonight’s enough. Swallow still some sips, Hootchie mamma you is! Him hot for poker bid. Stuck his two cents in you. Done did make bid for next time but....there’s always a but at the end of nights like this. It’s got to be enough. Hip, hand, thigh, back, calf, arm, ass, cheek, teeth, knee, heel, neck, elbow, ear, tongue, shoulder.ou thinking it is 4am. Baby damn! What I gotta buy is all for a little pseudoaffectionado. A purry dreamic plead. Wanna lick it up? Quiz over every curve you got. Furry tongue making brown liquid slot. Enough tonight. You finally had enough. You had enough. Had enough? Enough!

I’m gonna walk on up to heaven, I’m sure you’ll see me there. Might be the last dead man to make it, Hell yes, I know that I’ll get there. I will be wearing clothes of fire but I’m sure you’ll see me there. I’m gonna crawl on up to heaven. I may be trailing you in ashes but you know that I'll be there. I will find you there. ' He kept strange hours, locked himself away in his room before being seen shouting at the window. And, he had murdered his fiance - he sacrificed her for the purity of all mankind.

Vertigen

Aquell mati em vaig llevar, no recordo on ni tan
sols el temps que fa, i tot havia canviat. Pero jo
no ho sabia, encara, i mes m'hagues valgut no
saber-ho mai. El meu mon era petit, pero suficient,
abans. Deixa de ser-ho. La meva vida, un cel
particular, nul.la incertesa, dolca soledat;

mes tard, cau soterrat, previsibilitat maleida,
asfixiant aillament. Mai res no m'havia fet tanta
falta. Ni la sang que per les venes em corre no
necessitava amb la mateixa urgencia. Mentre
el dolor creixia, de sobte, aquell soroll estrepitos,
insuportable. Cridant, plorant, vaig correr.

Era incapac de sentir els meus crits, de segur
esgarrifosos. De sobte, l'abisme s'obri sota
els meus peus. Morir, volia. Recuperar el meu
cau, la meva estimada soledat, els meus llimbs,
la meva preuada illa. I vaig caure. Queia, sentint-
me cada vegada mes prop d'aquell horror, del
meu propi dolor, del mes terrorific despertar
dels meus sentits, tot just acabat de descobrir.

Ja no recordo quan va ser que vaig despertar
aquell fatidic mati, aleshores salvador. No
recordo quan fa que estic caient, que caic,
veient la fi mes propera cada vegada pero
amb la incertesa de si mai arribara. Ara el
dolor sembla no tenir limits. El dolor i la por
son tot el que sento. Tinc por de caure per sempre.

Supreme

Supreme talks about his baby's mother like a whore. Sweet 16 she is, with future uncertain, love incomplete. Soapy days for Jr. and she. At 3, Supreme comes to give his boy a pat and a pound, put his hoodie on the couch, his Timberlands up on the chair so his bitch can bring him a beer. ' So, this is the Nuclear family? Mommy, baby... and Daddy makes a mess of his baby's mother's hair as they fuck 'til her mother comes in from work. She's playing house, he's playing man and Jr. is the only one who accepts he's just a child. Wild nights she had with a swish of her stuff, knocked up to a waddle, a baby carriage bustle and still gets her play. But her dream is true romance...well sorta, everyday from 3 to 6. Supreme leaves out before Mommy comes kick his lazy narrow behind back onto the street. He's not a corner boy. The bodega in the 40's is midblock where bullets flock, no names engraved and he may be next. Shielded by the patron saint of the brothers. Being there is all there is. Living lovely without turning the corner, reaching for a swig brings sweat to his brow and shit to his mouth, dispelling knowledge on the stuffs, the pleasing things the baby's mother do, dousing the sidewalk with wretch of a boy/man, breaking Friday night to seek man/hood in a paper bag. Says, "Fatherhood is real cool and the kid looks like me so she better not let nothing happen to him or I’ma kill the bitch."
cont.

cont.
Sudden twitch to the roll of the wheel, trained steel stained blue puts punk on the wall for some trumped up call from precinct 101. Monday at 3, the baby's mother waits, Jr. in her arms, patiently at the door, doesn't know what she misses. Locked into the routine, a project queen. Supreme rode off into the sunset with a 3 to 6 all his own. Took a week for her to find out, a minute to promise devotion, her life on hold as Supreme calls checking on his boy (and the baby's mother). Life on the outside ain't even worth it. Shit. Who screwed whom? There’s not enough room in the pen for them both to stay locked into their little worlds they will. Leather gear, X skullie, Size 2 Docs. Man, Jr.’s the fliest shit in nursery care. Paid for by W.I.C., so who's getting dicked? Who reigns supreme?

Chrome

So let’s be done with this. You said "I want you, I don’t want another, I want a girl who knows how to suffer." Chalk down my hands, I need to work the bars dry. So now you’re in the middle of someone terrible and you’re carrying a tiny crucible. Every raw boy want relief. You tough guys with the glass jaws, your pins, your backstage laws, your French positions, your stripper damage. It’s more than you can hide, more than you can manage. I’m done with the dark boys, through with the dark boys, done with the dark boys, I swear you’ll be the last one. I’m done with the dark boys, through with the dark boys, done with the black cotton mafia. You dream of a girl with silver skin, you dream of a girl cooled and thinned. She’s gone a bit blue around the edges. You want a girl who sucks her thumb when she comes, you’re just looking for a clean sleep. She doesn’t want to see you, she wants to be seen by the cameras, the crews and the soft machines. You want a girl who could suck the chrome. You’re so rocked and wrapped in anguish, some little tragedy I’m slow to extinguish. Watching the suitors stagger home, now I’m butcher, now you’re bone. I’m done with the dark boys, through with the dark boys, done with the black cotton mafia. I’m done with the dark boys, through with the dark boys, done with the dark boys, I swear you’ll be the last one. It’s documented, tequila scented. You want a girl who’s pale and bled, you want a girl who’s easily led. Her slim hips, your tight grip, tell me it doesn’t hurt just a little bit boy. Come in, copy, she doesn’t read you, she fed the hand that bit her, she doesn’t need you. Your fill-in girls, your soft metal foxes, your white receipts, your big, black boxes. Life doesn’t mean telling lies, it means enduring what you despise. I’m done with the dark boys, through with the dark boys, done with the dark boys, I swear you’ll be the last one. I’m done, I’m through.

New York Nights

Mind numbing, mentally crushing, membrane sloshing noise. Manhattan rumbled through night and I never knew that. Had suspected, had read it on t–shirts: ‘The city that never sleeps.' But didn't need to believe it. The onliest sound I believed was the train pulling out, heard from ‘bout 6 blocks away. That was an all night sound. Smooth, not chatter. ' The noise was too noisy. I mean noisier than noise had to be. Noisier than the splash sound of the shore upon the roar of a 757 taking the summer route. Upon mom vex cause little kids don't listen. Noise bigger than blockbuster videos playing in the next room at the 4am matinee and the phone...that was just noise. I mean noisier than noise should be. Not ear deafening, mind numbing, mentally crushing, membrane sloshing noise. Keithie and his boys walked and talked shit nights but it was always distinct, not chatter.... 'n' jersey girls didn't giggle at the freaks, 'talianos sucking Corona bottles making crashes fill the street, never plugged the void of my nights because the void was silence. Over in Bushwick, the ice cream man pulled his truck over while, shall we say, he got his popsickle sucked. He pulled over his truck but the song kept on, all day, all night. The song means the ice cream guy’s gettin' some - it don't even mean ice cream. 'Cause they hear the song and there’s no guy selling ice cream from the truck. 'Sides, who got money to be giving kids every time they hear the song woven between the sounds of car horns and latin rhythms. And the ice cream guy gets death threats.
cont.

cont.
Gotta get me a token, make the rumble of the ‘A’ my lullaby. Gotta escape to the womb of my room. I never believed in New York nights. I never slept in Manhattan before. 21 years,16 by the shore. It may have taken a while to get used to the silence, the absence of sound through night at my home but I’ve never slept in Manhattan before. It hurts. It is hurting my head as I write this. It is making my mind squeeze itself through a tiny doorway onto a massive stage where sound is disconnected from action. Each render themselves tiles in the mosaic. Pretty is the picture from far away. Gotta get me a token, make the rumble of the ‘A’ my lullaby. Gotta escape to the womb of my room. I never believed in New York nights. Each tone drifts against the next with nowhere it would rather be. No desire of dominance, no call to signify nothing. Gotta get me a token, make the rumble of the ‘A’ my lullaby. Gotta escape to the womb of my room. I never believed in New York nights.

Don't Look Back
I hide myself. Leave no trace in this cold dawn. Come for me in this lost hour. This is a game too far. Don’t look back at the closed door. I feel the heat. The game is here. I feel it like nothing else now. I hear you call in this cold dawn. I know you're near in this lost hour.